How your expectations might be holding you back (and what to do about it)

One of my mentors called me out on my language on the last week. She’d asked us to share questions about a concept she was teaching so she could answer them in a chat.

So I shared that I was curious how to keep going and mentioned I was ‘expecting to fall off the wagon’.


Deep down somewhere my mind had already set a level for me. It apparently reckoned i would not be in success with this.


Thanks then brain!! 😂

Expecting itself wasn’t a problem. It’s the kind of expectation I was attaching to it. Falling. Not being in the energy of its See, if I was expecting to be in this no matter what, it gives a very different energy.

I’ve felt my energy wavering over the last couple of days. Ok being awake for 3.5hrs in the night hasn’t exactly helped 😂

But still.

My expectation has been coming true. I don’t want it to but what we focus on, however unconsciously, grows.

Time to reset.

I expect great and exciting things to happen to me. For the rest of this day and then I’ll reset tomorrow. And again until I’ve trained my brain.

Expecting success.

Defying the norm.

Creating from nothing – a moment of inspiration

I need to tell you something.

I was out for my walk this morning and then this song popped up on shuffle on my phone. I know it’s cheesy.. like properly cheesy, but there I was grinning from ear to ear mouthing the lyrics and practically skipping! 🤣 Then I realised I was standing up taller, walking ‘with purpose’ and I suddenly thought there’s something in this.

Like really in this.

Like I could create from this.

I could do something with it.

There’s a spark of an idea.


How the way you think is getting in your way

‘Because you failed, perhaps many times, in a certain situation, this does not mean that you must be resigned to defeat. It does not mean that victory was not very close…

Any area of compromise, or of resignation to defeat, weakens the whole. See how many areas of your life have become, already, the scene of new reactions, new gains… Let this encourage you…’

This passage spoke to me so much last night. It echoed my mentor’s message on aligning my thoughts and expectations with what I WANT to happen and not with my fears.

What you focus on grows.

Expect failure and failure is assured. Expect possibility and opportunities and that’s what you’ll get!!

Resignation of defeat spreads. It’s like when a plant or a tree is diseased. You notice a small part that’s not right and suddenly the whole plant is infected. And I’ve seen the same in my thinking too.

Especially in the midst of the various Covid lockdowns over the last couple of years. And it’s also been that way for years.

I started thinking about how I wasn’t getting where I wanted to and that it just wasn’t working. I focussed on the thoughts of failing, of defeat.

And because I didn’t accept my part in choosing my thoughts (like someone else was choosing them for me 🤣), I let them affect the way I thought about other things too until I’d eventually dug myself a misery pit to wallow in. It’s about as fun as it sounds!! 😂

What’s really annoying is half the time I never used to realise I was doing it!!

I’d done it for so long that I couldn’t even see it. It took my mentors and coaches listening to what fell out my mouth to catch it.

And call it out.


And again.

And again.

And one day the penny started to drop. Slowly.

It dropped intellectually about nine months ago, even though I’d read a few books about it a few years ago. But it has only just started to become something I’m actively changing.

Read it.
Learn it.
Know it.
Be it.

Noticing it is the beginning of the battle. Noticing it means I get to choose to continue thinking negatively or move to thinking in ways that are helpful. (Really I’ve always had the choice but not knowing it makes it harder to do it).

It’s time to BE!



Focus on the gains and the opportunities.


(Quote by John Woolley)

Are you being true to yourself or to the person you are becoming?

I’ve had lots of wobbles over the last year as I’ve started coming out about my coaching business. From ‘what will people think of me’ to ‘I can’t do this’, or ‘you’re never going to succeed’. I’m having one now while I’m writing (‘you’re not explaining this well’)

Every wobble is a direct result of my thoughts.

I used to let thoughts hold me back. I didn’t want to tell people what I was doing in case I failed. I didn’t want to change the way I’ve always done things because that ‘worked’ and changing might mean failure.

Now when I have a wobbly thought I ask myself if I am being true to the person I am BECOMING. Not the person I am today, the future version of me. It’s made a huge difference! The person I am becoming is good with failing because it means she’ll be growing.

I don’t want to be the person who lets my own negative thoughts hold me back so I’m choosing to be true to the person I’m becoming.

Who do you want to become? What would you like your future self to be like? What would you know? What would you talk about? Where would you be? Who would you spend time with? What you be thinking? What would you do differently?

Start being it.

Who wants to join in the game? 😇