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Motivate me

Do you find yourself watching other people progress in their careers, set up their own businesses or change their careers?

Do you find yourself waiting for inspiration to strike?

Do you love hanging out on the sofa after work, tucking into your snack of choice, reassuring yourself that you’ll get some exercise/tidy the house/call your friend tomorrow when you feel more like it?

It gets tiring pretty quickly to wait for life to happen, and over time squashes you, the you who shines on your best day, until you’re barely recognisable. You need to start getting back into the drivers seat of your life. Cliche and cheesy and true.

Motivation is a lie. Motivation is simply the result of taking action.

Motivation. What a beast. Sometimes it feels like motivation is there in droves and other days it feels like it’s left the building. What if it isn’t motivation that’s holding you back? What if it’s as simple as you not taking action?

Mr Motivator is a slightly mad, Lycra-donning fitness ‘guru’ of sorts who shot to fame on a TV breakfast show in the U.K. back in the 1990s. The idea of a Mr Motivator is brilliant – somehow having someone there with the promise of being motivating you takes the pressure off you to be responsible for your own decisions and your own lack of action. Now all you have to do is wait for Mr Motivator to show up and you’ve got it sorted. And for personal fitness it can work amazingly well. It’s like having someone on your side to keep you accountable (dare I say it, like having a coach cheerleading you on).

Except of course two people can watch Mr Motivator and behave completely differently. The first person, let’s call her Sally, watches our Mr Motivator and enjoys laughing at him leaping around while tucking into her bowl of crisps/bag of chocolate buttons/popcorn (delete as appropriate). At no point does she choose to join in and experience the action. Person B, let’s call her Ellie, watches and immediately jumps up and joins in with the exercises.

The Oxford Learners Dictionaries defines motivation as: ‘the reason why somebody does something or behaves in a particular way.’ What if your reason for ‘doing something’ or behaving in a particular way was as simple as ‘because you chose to’? That’s all. You choose to say ‘yes’ or you choose to say ‘no’. That’s it. Wow, simple.

Action is simply a choice. Motivation is irrelevant.

What happens when you take choose to action, and you take it, is that you create momentum. Yes, it turns out my teachers were right and physics is useful after all. Any action you take towards a goal creates momentum. You choose whether to ride the momentum, like a ball rolling down the hill, and keep choosing action over inaction. One small step at a time. More action continues the momentum which makes you feel motivated. Inaction, and the choice you make not to take action, will eventually cause the momentum to stop and you’ll stop feeling motivated. Until you choose to take another step forward.

Don’t wait for motivation. Keep it small and start.

I get stuck in the inertia of inaction more times than I would like to admit. The truth is that I choose not to. I give myself reasons and excuses why ‘now is not the right time’, ‘I don’t feel like it’, ‘there are other things I should be doing’. None of those is wrong, and they are reasons I’m creating to support my lack of action.

Take my last blog post. It chose not to write that for a long time. There was always a reason. And often it was the excuse of not having enough time. Then I reminded myself of the idea that breaking big goals down into small steps can help you sneak past your brain’s fear centre (the dear old amygdala). So I set an alarm for ten minutes. When it went off I was already in the thick of writing so I reset it for another ten. It took me two lots of reset timers and I was done.

Action led to more action. It created its own momentum. Motivation was simply a choice.

Are you stuck and feeling unmotivated? Here are 3 things you can play with.

1. Choose. Choose to take one tiny action. Make it so small you actually want to laugh. If your goal is to go outside more, just open a window and stick your head out (safely, hold onto something and don’t lean too far). If you’d like to get a phone call out the way, get the phone number. Or just dial the number. It’s only a choice.

2. Get someone in your corner. Find someone to keep you accountable. Tell them of the choice you’ve made and the steps you’re going to take. Brainstorm the steps or the first step if you find yourself getting stuck in overthinking. Find someone who can support you, and challenge you. And start to notice what you tell yourself.

3. Do something. Doing anything differently will shake things up. Make the choice and do it. My favourite Yoda quote is ‘Do or do not. There is no try.’ Say ‘yes’ and do it. Lean on the support you’ve created for yourself in step 2 to get you over the line.

All great journeys begin with a choice and that one first step.

Have fun – consciously choose to act today in one very small way.

Louisa x

PS When you’re ready for transformation and change, let’s talk about the ways I can help you build your confidence, create your vision and increase your impact on the world.

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4 Ways to Uncover Your Gold

You let yourself play small because deep-down you think that’s all you deserve. So you settle for less than is actually possible.

You compare the ups and downs of your messy and chaotic life to the highlights reels of other people. You feel insignificant and incapable, so you stop seeking opportunities to grow.

You are so worried about making the right decision you end up stuck like a rabbit in the headlights, choosing nothing and watching the days tick by.

If you are tired of playing small, playing the comparison game or being stuck in the headlights of analysis paralysis, then you need to start changing the way you think about yourself.

Don’t wait for the right time. The right time never comes.

You grow most at the very edges of your comfort zone. Staying small and safe doesn’t serve anyone. Least of all you. If you want to stay safe, paralysed by the thought of what other people might say if you step out into the unknown, then go ahead. You can stay there, safe, in your low-risk, low-impact life. For ever.

And you get to choose.

I know what that feels like because it’s also been my story. I’ve played small too because underneath it all I worry whether I deserve more – am I enough? Will I have enough to offer? What will people say?

I’ve fallen headlong into the trap of comparing my journey in life to other people’s journeys. I see their highlights, not the lowlights, and fool myself into thinking I’ve so much less to offer the world than they have so I may as well not bother. At least then I won’t look like an idiot when I fail. (And yes, I often think in terms of ‘when’ for failures – and ‘if’ for success – anyone else?)

I’m also the self-professed Queen of Must Make the Right Choice. I forget there is no right or wrong choice. Only options.

But, I also know I get to choose whether I stay stuck or move forward, risking messy failures and screw ups. When the opposite is to stay small and live with the thought I would never know what would happen if I tried, if I really played big and reached for those gloriously proverbial stars, it’s a no-brainer on paper.

It’s a harder path – and the journey is a LOT more fun.

Here’s a little story to inspire you.

The historical story goes that a beautiful monastery in Thailand was at risk of attack from the Burmese army. This monastery was home to a beautiful giant golden statue of Buddha. The monks covered the giant golden Buddha with clay to protect it from plunder by the army. The army saw only a giant clay statue and left it alone. Over time the story of the covered statue had been lost until finally all the monks in the monastery believed the statue to be made of only clay.

Several hundred years later in 1957 a group of monks was in the process of relocating the monastery. One day, as they moved the giant clay Buddha, a monk noticed the clay was cracked. When he investigated more closely, he saw gold light appearing at the place the clay had broken. He chiseled away at the clay until he uncovered the truth. The statue was, and had never been, clay – it was made of solid gold.

I am like the golden Buddha statue (albeit I am much, much smaller). I am not clay. I am gold.

The biggest layer of clay covering the gold of who I really am has been all my own work. I’ve piled on layer upon layer of my own limiting and negative thinking over the years – most of it totally unconsciously. Comparing myself to others has not helped. Other layers of clay have been added by other people (teachers, family, bosses, society, the media, organisations) and too often I lose sight of the gold of who I am when I’m being myself on my very best days. That gold is me.

YOU are not clay either. You too are solid gold.

When I’m standing in the truth of who I am it makes taking leaps and risks and facing challenges easier. It creates new possibilities. I can play bigger without fearing what other people will say. This is true for you too.

It’s not easy to chip away at the clay to find your gold. Using a hammer and chisel is hard work, and careful work to avoid damaging the gold underneath. And it is simple. Start chipping away at the clay.

Here are 4 things you can do.

1. Ask. Ask other people what your gold is. Don’t literally ask them that or they’re going to look at you strangely. DO ask them what are my biggest gifts? What is it about me that lights up others? What’s unusual or unique about me?

2. Rediscover. Remember what you loved to do when you were growing up. What did you spend all your spare time doing when you were 5, 10, 13, 16, 20? Spend some time trying those things out again.

3. Get curious. Take action and notice what happens when you do. Action comes first. It was the action of chiselling the clay that revealed the gold statue. Try a new way of thinking, a new course, a new route to work, a new way of behaving, anything. Follow your curiosity.

4. Apply. To transform your life and uncover your gold, you must apply what you learn. Information alone is nice and not enough. Experiment with what you’ve learned. Ask yourself how you can use what you learn, and then use it.

Chip away at your clay. Uncover your gold.

Have fun – you only get one go at life. Make it a good one!

Louisa x

PS When you’re ready for transformation and change, let’s talk about the ways I can help you build your confidence, create your vision and increase your impact on the world.

Story of the Golden Buddha, from the movie ‘Finding Joe’.

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Feeling stressed out?

This year COVID-19 has marched right through the heart of your social life, your job and your relationships. You are not alone if you’re feeling every little thing is another change too far. When ALL the goalposts are moving it’s hard to know where to focus, let alone where to kick the ball.

I didn’t expect to still be forced apart from my family and friends. I didn’t expect to feel so exhausted from the competing demands of caring for my family and my home, and making changes to my coaching business. I guess I keep forgetting that I don’t have to do it all today. Is that you too? Knowing there’s so much ‘out there’ you want to explore and not feeling you have enough time or even energy to choose what’s the best thing?

I’m going to take a shot in the dark. What if the best thing to choose right now is nothing. Nothing? Come on, Louisa. There’s so much to explore even in this new world! Courses to try, jobs to research, conversations to be had, things to buy, TED talks to watch. Yes. And they will be there tomorrow. And you will be in a far stronger and braver place if you give yourself the gift of waiting. Do nothing. For the next 48 hours don’t make any important decisions. Don’t make any decisions that require you to spend money (unless it’s for essential living). Don’t look for the next thing. Don’t click through on that interesting course. Give yourself the gift of space. See what emerges.

You see sometimes the magic happens best in the space where nothing happens.

The gift of nothing. Have fun with it.

Radical Fulfilment

Uncertainty – striving to let go

I’m a bit of a control freak (yeh, I know…). Right now there’s an awful lot of uncontrollable stuff. I can’t control the outcome of whether the people I love catch COVID-19, or whether I do. I can’t control the outcome if we do. I can’t control whether I feel grief and sadness for the face-to-face conversations I can’t have. I can’t control whether the shops have what we would like to eat or not. If you know who is hoarding flour please let me know!

Controlling things is how I try to manage fear. But ‘what you focus on grows’ so the more I try to control things because I’m staring into fear, the bigger the fear gets. What I need to do is let go. Let go of needing to control – accept that I can’t control it anyway and deal with immediate needs. What I need and want right now is rest, nourishment and space/time to spend with those I care about using the wonders of technology. Staying stuck in fear ain’t fun, and the way out of fear is to take small steps.

How are you dealing with the uncertainty around you right now? What tips do you have?

If you, or someone you know, would like some space to talk about what’s happening for you right now and come away with a boost of confidence and clarity, I’ve got a few free spaces available as a gift in these strange times. Get in touch.

Go well x

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In the midst of a pandemic – take time for your soul

‘Whether or not we belong to any religious or spiritual tradition, there is a renewed awareness of the need to take care not just of our physical health but our mental, emotional and spiritual health — to take care of our souls.’ – Arianna Huffington

I’ve struggled this week with mental, emotional and physical exhaustion from sleep deprivation. It’s the result of caring for my daughter all night while she was ill (she’s getting better now). I wouldn’t begrudge a second if it. And exhausting nevertheless.

Throw that on top of living in isolation in the midst of a global pandemic and you have an interesting cocktail. If you’ve ever been so tired that it feels like the fabric of your insides is somehow coming undone and your brain has shaken loose, that’s kind of how I felt.

I chose to put my superwoman tendencies to one side and ask for help. I asked for alone time. I took a walk for my daily exercise. I found a small corner at home to sit, read, pray, meditate and reflect. It wasn’t long and it didn’t need to be. Those precious moments were the difference between taking care of my soul needs and eventual burn out. It was a powerful lesson for me.

How are you taking care of your soul in these challenging times? What do you need more or less of to help you do that? Who could you turn to, or talk to? It’s not about big steps, it’s about small decisions, quiet voices, tiny changes – those are the ones that add up to seismic shifts.

Go well. x