Uncategorized

Motivate me

Do you find yourself watching other people progress in their careers, set up their own businesses or change their careers?

Do you find yourself waiting for inspiration to strike?

Do you love hanging out on the sofa after work, tucking into your snack of choice, reassuring yourself that you’ll get some exercise/tidy the house/call your friend tomorrow when you feel more like it?

It gets tiring pretty quickly to wait for life to happen, and over time squashes you, the you who shines on your best day, until you’re barely recognisable. You need to start getting back into the drivers seat of your life. Cliche and cheesy and true.

Motivation is a lie. Motivation is simply the result of taking action.

Motivation. What a beast. Sometimes it feels like motivation is there in droves and other days it feels like it’s left the building. What if it isn’t motivation that’s holding you back? What if it’s as simple as you not taking action?

Mr Motivator is a slightly mad, Lycra-donning fitness ‘guru’ of sorts who shot to fame on a TV breakfast show in the U.K. back in the 1990s. The idea of a Mr Motivator is brilliant – somehow having someone there with the promise of being motivating you takes the pressure off you to be responsible for your own decisions and your own lack of action. Now all you have to do is wait for Mr Motivator to show up and you’ve got it sorted. And for personal fitness it can work amazingly well. It’s like having someone on your side to keep you accountable (dare I say it, like having a coach cheerleading you on).

Except of course two people can watch Mr Motivator and behave completely differently. The first person, let’s call her Sally, watches our Mr Motivator and enjoys laughing at him leaping around while tucking into her bowl of crisps/bag of chocolate buttons/popcorn (delete as appropriate). At no point does she choose to join in and experience the action. Person B, let’s call her Ellie, watches and immediately jumps up and joins in with the exercises.

The Oxford Learners Dictionaries defines motivation as: ‘the reason why somebody does something or behaves in a particular way.’ What if your reason for ‘doing something’ or behaving in a particular way was as simple as ‘because you chose to’? That’s all. You choose to say ‘yes’ or you choose to say ‘no’. That’s it. Wow, simple.

Action is simply a choice. Motivation is irrelevant.

What happens when you take choose to action, and you take it, is that you create momentum. Yes, it turns out my teachers were right and physics is useful after all. Any action you take towards a goal creates momentum. You choose whether to ride the momentum, like a ball rolling down the hill, and keep choosing action over inaction. One small step at a time. More action continues the momentum which makes you feel motivated. Inaction, and the choice you make not to take action, will eventually cause the momentum to stop and you’ll stop feeling motivated. Until you choose to take another step forward.

Don’t wait for motivation. Keep it small and start.

I get stuck in the inertia of inaction more times than I would like to admit. The truth is that I choose not to. I give myself reasons and excuses why ‘now is not the right time’, ‘I don’t feel like it’, ‘there are other things I should be doing’. None of those is wrong, and they are reasons I’m creating to support my lack of action.

Take my last blog post. It chose not to write that for a long time. There was always a reason. And often it was the excuse of not having enough time. Then I reminded myself of the idea that breaking big goals down into small steps can help you sneak past your brain’s fear centre (the dear old amygdala). So I set an alarm for ten minutes. When it went off I was already in the thick of writing so I reset it for another ten. It took me two lots of reset timers and I was done.

Action led to more action. It created its own momentum. Motivation was simply a choice.

Are you stuck and feeling unmotivated? Here are 3 things you can play with.

1. Choose. Choose to take one tiny action. Make it so small you actually want to laugh. If your goal is to go outside more, just open a window and stick your head out (safely, hold onto something and don’t lean too far). If you’d like to get a phone call out the way, get the phone number. Or just dial the number. It’s only a choice.

2. Get someone in your corner. Find someone to keep you accountable. Tell them of the choice you’ve made and the steps you’re going to take. Brainstorm the steps or the first step if you find yourself getting stuck in overthinking. Find someone who can support you, and challenge you. And start to notice what you tell yourself.

3. Do something. Doing anything differently will shake things up. Make the choice and do it. My favourite Yoda quote is ‘Do or do not. There is no try.’ Say ‘yes’ and do it. Lean on the support you’ve created for yourself in step 2 to get you over the line.

All great journeys begin with a choice and that one first step.

Have fun – consciously choose to act today in one very small way.

Louisa x

PS When you’re ready for transformation and change, let’s talk about the ways I can help you build your confidence, create your vision and increase your impact on the world.

Uncategorized

4 Ways to Uncover Your Gold

You let yourself play small because deep-down you think that’s all you deserve. So you settle for less than is actually possible.

You compare the ups and downs of your messy and chaotic life to the highlights reels of other people. You feel insignificant and incapable, so you stop seeking opportunities to grow.

You are so worried about making the right decision you end up stuck like a rabbit in the headlights, choosing nothing and watching the days tick by.

If you are tired of playing small, playing the comparison game or being stuck in the headlights of analysis paralysis, then you need to start changing the way you think about yourself.

Don’t wait for the right time. The right time never comes.

You grow most at the very edges of your comfort zone. Staying small and safe doesn’t serve anyone. Least of all you. If you want to stay safe, paralysed by the thought of what other people might say if you step out into the unknown, then go ahead. You can stay there, safe, in your low-risk, low-impact life. For ever.

And you get to choose.

I know what that feels like because it’s also been my story. I’ve played small too because underneath it all I worry whether I deserve more – am I enough? Will I have enough to offer? What will people say?

I’ve fallen headlong into the trap of comparing my journey in life to other people’s journeys. I see their highlights, not the lowlights, and fool myself into thinking I’ve so much less to offer the world than they have so I may as well not bother. At least then I won’t look like an idiot when I fail. (And yes, I often think in terms of ‘when’ for failures – and ‘if’ for success – anyone else?)

I’m also the self-professed Queen of Must Make the Right Choice. I forget there is no right or wrong choice. Only options.

But, I also know I get to choose whether I stay stuck or move forward, risking messy failures and screw ups. When the opposite is to stay small and live with the thought I would never know what would happen if I tried, if I really played big and reached for those gloriously proverbial stars, it’s a no-brainer on paper.

It’s a harder path – and the journey is a LOT more fun.

Here’s a little story to inspire you.

The historical story goes that a beautiful monastery in Thailand was at risk of attack from the Burmese army. This monastery was home to a beautiful giant golden statue of Buddha. The monks covered the giant golden Buddha with clay to protect it from plunder by the army. The army saw only a giant clay statue and left it alone. Over time the story of the covered statue had been lost until finally all the monks in the monastery believed the statue to be made of only clay.

Several hundred years later in 1957 a group of monks was in the process of relocating the monastery. One day, as they moved the giant clay Buddha, a monk noticed the clay was cracked. When he investigated more closely, he saw gold light appearing at the place the clay had broken. He chiseled away at the clay until he uncovered the truth. The statue was, and had never been, clay – it was made of solid gold.

I am like the golden Buddha statue (albeit I am much, much smaller). I am not clay. I am gold.

The biggest layer of clay covering the gold of who I really am has been all my own work. I’ve piled on layer upon layer of my own limiting and negative thinking over the years – most of it totally unconsciously. Comparing myself to others has not helped. Other layers of clay have been added by other people (teachers, family, bosses, society, the media, organisations) and too often I lose sight of the gold of who I am when I’m being myself on my very best days. That gold is me.

YOU are not clay either. You too are solid gold.

When I’m standing in the truth of who I am it makes taking leaps and risks and facing challenges easier. It creates new possibilities. I can play bigger without fearing what other people will say. This is true for you too.

It’s not easy to chip away at the clay to find your gold. Using a hammer and chisel is hard work, and careful work to avoid damaging the gold underneath. And it is simple. Start chipping away at the clay.

Here are 4 things you can do.

1. Ask. Ask other people what your gold is. Don’t literally ask them that or they’re going to look at you strangely. DO ask them what are my biggest gifts? What is it about me that lights up others? What’s unusual or unique about me?

2. Rediscover. Remember what you loved to do when you were growing up. What did you spend all your spare time doing when you were 5, 10, 13, 16, 20? Spend some time trying those things out again.

3. Get curious. Take action and notice what happens when you do. Action comes first. It was the action of chiselling the clay that revealed the gold statue. Try a new way of thinking, a new course, a new route to work, a new way of behaving, anything. Follow your curiosity.

4. Apply. To transform your life and uncover your gold, you must apply what you learn. Information alone is nice and not enough. Experiment with what you’ve learned. Ask yourself how you can use what you learn, and then use it.

Chip away at your clay. Uncover your gold.

Have fun – you only get one go at life. Make it a good one!

Louisa x

PS When you’re ready for transformation and change, let’s talk about the ways I can help you build your confidence, create your vision and increase your impact on the world.

Story of the Golden Buddha, from the movie ‘Finding Joe’.

Radical Fulfilment

Uncertainty – striving to let go

I’m a bit of a control freak (yeh, I know…). Right now there’s an awful lot of uncontrollable stuff. I can’t control the outcome of whether the people I love catch COVID-19, or whether I do. I can’t control the outcome if we do. I can’t control whether I feel grief and sadness for the face-to-face conversations I can’t have. I can’t control whether the shops have what we would like to eat or not. If you know who is hoarding flour please let me know!

Controlling things is how I try to manage fear. But ‘what you focus on grows’ so the more I try to control things because I’m staring into fear, the bigger the fear gets. What I need to do is let go. Let go of needing to control – accept that I can’t control it anyway and deal with immediate needs. What I need and want right now is rest, nourishment and space/time to spend with those I care about using the wonders of technology. Staying stuck in fear ain’t fun, and the way out of fear is to take small steps.

How are you dealing with the uncertainty around you right now? What tips do you have?

If you, or someone you know, would like some space to talk about what’s happening for you right now and come away with a boost of confidence and clarity, I’ve got a few free spaces available as a gift in these strange times. Get in touch.

Go well x

career change

What To Do When You Want To Change Career But Don’t Know Where To Start

Image result for leaving work

It’s Friday evening. You grab your stuff and get out of your workplace as fast as your legs will carry you without actually running.  Your relief is palpable.  You can’t wait to get out of there so your real-life can start.  Sad, but true right? And the real truth is you’ve known for a long time you want out, you want to do something different.  But what?

This is exactly what stumps so many, many people right at the start of their career changes. I know I don’t want THIS, and I don’t know what I DO want. It’s easy to get lost in a diet of Google searches, career change books and personality profiles.  All good resources in their own way and none of them have the magic answers. Worse, no-one is going to turn up with your new career on a silver platter wrapped up with a bow on top. Yep, it’s really not going to happen – no matter how much you want it.

The problem with these approaches is not that they are inherently bad, it’s just that they keep you stuck in your head – stuck in overthinking and over-analysing.  If you’re prone to procrastination, you’ll recognise this trait and know how much it holds you back from making progress. Career change does not happen when you only sit and think about it. Career change happens when you stick your head out from underneath the blanket of analysis and start doing something that takes you out of your own head and into real-life experience.

If you want to change career, stop thinking about changing career. Stop searching ‘how to change career’. Instead, try some of these ideas to get you out of your head and into the world, meeting new people and exploring what ideas for your career change open up when you do.

Try these real world ideas:

  • Go to an event, workshop or one day course you would never normally go to (Meetup is a great place to find ideas);
  • Take a different route to work – notice what draws you to it with a sense of interest or excitement, or inspires you;
  • Ask a friend for a recommendation of a Podcast you haven’t listened to before;
  • Get in touch with someone who inspires you, or who you would love to have a conversation with about what they do, even if you don’t think you want to do what they do – you’ll never know what little nuggets of inspiration or ideas or contacts they can offer you until you do (tip: offer them something in return, it can be super simple and a little personal touch to help you stand-out from the crowd).

If you’re still stuck in over-thinking and would like more ideas, let’s have a conversation about how I could help you with your career change – I’m always open to talking.

Radical Fulfilment

Comparison Is A Killjoy

“I am not throwing away my shot!” exclaims Alexander Hamilton in the mega-hit Broadway and West End musical, Hamilton.  It’s an admirable sentiment.  How many times a day, a week, a month do you do just that by comparing your life, your career, your possessions, your body, your clothes or your successes (or lack) to someone else?

How do you feel when you do? If you’re prone to over-analysing or have a strong perfectionist or achiever streak (hello, yes that’s me too – nice to meet you) you probably start feeling pretty rubbish.  Social media is full of pinnacle moments – those moments where we show the world our happy highlights, not the gritty drudgery of daily life.  How many times have your friends shared pictures of the sink piled high with dishes, the overflowing washing basket or the Inbox with 3,000 unread emails?  Yes, I thought not.

Someone wise once said (it is probably not Teddy Roosevelt although some sources say it is) ‘Comparison is the thief of joy‘.  Why?  Because as soon as we start comparing ourselves to others we start to notice the ways we don’t measure up, the ways we are inferior and it sucks all the joy and happiness from us, like a Dementor sucking souls in J.K Rowling’s Harry Potter stories.  This is YOUR journey through life, no-one else’s.  No-one else is even half as capable as you are of living your one and only life.  So stop comparing. Go out and do YOUR thing!

See the source image

How do you stop the comparison killjoy in its tracks?  Here are a few ideas:

  • Write down at least 5 things you’re grateful for – keep it simple;
  • Take a deep breath and get present to what’s going on for you in this one moment, and the next as it happens;
  • Have an image in your mind you can focus on.  Whatever we focus on grows, so shift your focus onto something else – a calm sea, a forest, a surfer on the waves, your favourite coffee;
  • Take action – comparison sometimes reminds us it’s time not to throw away our own shot at life, and when it does get into action and do something small to get you started along the path towards your big dreams;
  • Laugh – yes, I know – and laughter really is the best medicine.

How do you shake off your killjoy comparison monster?  Let me know below!

If you want clarity on your own journey through life, let’s speak.

(Image visionpt.com.au)